Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
