Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
