Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
