Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
