Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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