He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
