Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
