just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
