you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
