Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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