hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
