hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
