I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
