oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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