Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
