I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
