I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
