your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
