i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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