I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
