ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
