you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
