What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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