idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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