I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
