ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Someone shattered a urinal.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
