if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Vodka?
Forever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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