Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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