I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
