Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
