Where did you get a picture of my penis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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