So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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