Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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