I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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