so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
