So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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