we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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