You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
