Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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