dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
