ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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