Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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