Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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