watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
