dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
