Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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