Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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