Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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