I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
