This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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