ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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