I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
