So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
