from now on my penis is your penis
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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