My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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