Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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