I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
