things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize