Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
