I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
