This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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