Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
