I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
