she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
