Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.

Fav 26 1704 3348
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(443): View more from Maryland

Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore

Fav 9 3193 859
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(416): View more from Ontario

dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross

(647): View more from Ontario

well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun

Fav 12 1166 3903
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(913): View more from Kansas

I love sluts.

(402): View more from Nebraska

I end my prayers with that every single night.

Fav 8 4083 948
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These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.

Fav 10 1289 3906
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?

Fav 19 3573 3735
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

Fav 13 1377 4977
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(702): View more from Nevada

Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.

Fav 1 595 789
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(847): View more from Illinois

Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.

Fav 0 234 202
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