He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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