wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy