I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos