i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
