im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
