My pussy is not your playground.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
