The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
