Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
