In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
