I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
