Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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