Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When are your genitals available?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
