we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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