since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
