dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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