Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
