took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
