Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
