Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
