best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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